The Four Requisites for Change: Why Real Transformation Has a Sequence

Creating Lasting Change Means Starting in the Right Place

When I was 14, I sat down and wrote out what I now recognize as a kind of life manifesto—an entire page describing the life I thought I had to live in order to be happy. It had daily practices, perfect self-care, the way I would show up in the world—an idealized version of what I thought a good life should look like. But it wasn’t truly mine. It was what I’d absorbed from my family, from society, from internalized beliefs about what I needed to do or be in order to be worthy of happiness.

Of course, it didn’t stick.

The vision was inauthentic. And I didn’t yet have the tools, the nervous system support, or the self-trust to make real change last.

Now, working with clients, I see the same pattern. Many of them come to me having already done a lot of work. They’ve read the books, tried the modalities, followed the routines, changed careers, sought relationships. And yet, they often feel stuck—disappointed that things still don’t feel quite right, confused about why they can’t sustain the change they crave, and exhausted from trying so hard to “fix” themselves.

The problem isn’t that they’re broken. The problem is that the change wasn’t built on solid ground.

When we slow down and actually follow the deeper arc of transformation—the one I’m about to share here—everything changes.

And this isn’t just my process. Any healing path that truly works will, in some form or another, follow these four stages—whether it names them explicitly or not. This isn’t about branding. It’s about structure. And when the structure is honored, change becomes not just possible—but inevitable.

Real change isn’t just about doing something different. It’s about becoming someone new.

That’s why I teach my clients the Four Requisites for Change—a process that must unfold in order:

1. Release → 2. Envision → 3. Action → 4. Focus

Trying to jump ahead never works.
Trying to build a new life on a shaky foundation just leaves you exhausted.

We have to follow these steps to create lasting change. And we may go through these steps many, many, many times in our life, but they have to be in this order—so the change can be aligned and true to you, and also long-lasting and integrated.

Let me explain.

1. RELEASE – Clear the Noise

Most people try to envision a new life while still carrying the weight of old wounds. But you can’t create clarity through distortion.

I’ve known and have worked with so many queer who became wildly successful—on paper. They became doctors, lawyers, CEOs… not because they loved the work, but because somewhere inside, they were still trying to prove they were enough.
Trying to make up for being gay. Trying to earn love, approval, or safety. They climbed to the top of a mountain, look around, and realize: "I'm on the wrong f*cking mountain."

This is what happens when you skip the release work. You end up building a vision based on shame, fear, or compensation—not truth.

Release means clearing the unconscious programming, the emotional baggage, the inherited beliefs that have been driving the show. Only after that, can we see clearly.

2. ENVISION – Get in Touch with What’s Real

Once you release the noise, your authentic vision can finally rise.

This isn’t about manifesting yachts or dream homes (unless that’s truly aligned). It’s about listening to the quiet, soul-deep knowing of what you’re here for.

Vision gives you a compass.
It points toward your true north.
Not the life you were told to want, but the one that’s meant for you.

But this clarity only comes after healing. Otherwise, you’re just recreating the same patterns with better branding.

3. ACTION – Walk the Path

Vision is your compass—but you still have to walk.
Action is where momentum lives.

But here’s the key: we don’t act from pressure, proving, or panic.
We act from presence.

This is where we set goals, develop habits, and take consistent, aligned steps forward. We don’t need to leap the whole staircase—just take the next step. And then the next.

Aligned action isn’t always comfortable. But it’s the bridge between who you were and who you’re becoming.

4. FOCUS – Feed What You Want to Grow

Focus = structure + attention.

It’s:

• The systems, routines, and rituals that support your nervous system and your growth.

• The mindset and frequency you hold daily.

• The direction your energy flows.

Because what you focus on… grows.

If you’re focused on not being broke, not being overweight, not being in that relationship—you’re still facing the problem. You’re walking backward.

But we’re not built to walk backward. Eventually, you’ll trip.

So use that pain as a signpost, not a destination. Once you realize what you don’t want, turn around and ask:
What do I want?
Where am I going?
What energy am I holding in my body as I walk forward?

Because whether you realize it or not, you’re always transmitting.
You’re a radio tower for your beliefs.
And the universe is tuning in.

Transformation Happens in Sequence

These four steps are not a suggestion—they’re a blueprint.
Trying to jump to action without release is like trying to build a house on sand.

Release → Envision → Action → Focus.
This is the arc of becoming.

If you’re in the space between, wondering why your vision feels foggy or why your motivation isn’t sticking, it’s not because you’re broken.

It might just be that you’re trying to skip ahead.

Start at the beginning.

🌍 JOURNEY ON: Reflection Prompts

• What might I be unconsciously carrying that’s shaping my current vision or life path?

• If I let that go, what would I actually want?

• Where in my life am I walking backward—focused on what I don’t want?

• What systems or structures would support me in moving forward?